Only Human…

Have you ever seen the show Being Human?  It’s not the best show, but for some reason I like it.  I’m a bit of a Sci-fi nerd.  I love the idea of something other than human, mostly because I feel so weak as one.  Being human sometimes feels abnormal.  I sometimes wonder what other species could be out there in the Universes.  When I grew up in the 70’s we were taught that there was 1 Universe.  Just one, ours.  Science told us so, and so we believed it so.  Forty-two years later Science tells us there are 100 billion Universes….with the possibility of other life up in the trillions!!  

Trillions. Yes, trillions….I said trillions!!  That is A LOT!

I used to say things such as:  “Honestly, how ridiculous are we to believe that we are the only planet, the only existing planet that holds life?”  I also said:  “If we really believe that we are the only “ONES”, and that we are the highest of intelligent life form, then we have failed miserably.”  Wow!!  I told you this girl had dark!

I honestly have to tell you that some days are darker than others and that I am struggling with that right now.  Struggling with my personal identity and my purpose.  I remain true to my purpose, but feel weak.  I remain guided, but I feel alone.  I remain an instrument of Source, of god, of whatever beautiful energy I have committed myself to.  I still believe.  I have complete faith in Source, and what they see for me.  It is only myself that stands in the way of total surrender.  The total surrender will come and soon.  To be 100% honest, it is only my own fear that is holding me in a state of unknowing.  I KNOW this.  As a human I feel weak.  In energy connected to life, responding to the sacred, accepting this in my heart has made me much stronger.  Yet, I feel weak.

I have strength….not of body, but of will, and I have allowed all that will transpire to transpire, and I feel weak.

I have great friends who call me and have wonderful conversations with me, and light up my entire world….I feel so much better in their presence.  I know what they tell me is true.  I know I can trust their words, just as I know when I cannot trust another.  I know a significant shift and change is happening, and when it is finished that nothing will be the same again.  I am waiting to embrace this change and all changes that come with it for me, and every other person.

Not everyone knows that sometimes the person that gives encouragement, light, and love to others is just as human as they are.  We are only human.  We are allowed to see what we see, hear what we hear, speak what we speak because of a commitment we made to aid and uplift ourselves and others.  This is how I see it.  I always ask for all involved to be uplifted.  The homework that I am giving myself this weekend is to discover why I feel responsible for everything.  Why do I not heed my own truth and take care of myself first as others do?  I encourage my clients to do EXACTLY this.  It is so important.

The “work” we do is not about saving others…it is about giving a hand up, and helping to empower them to be exactly who it is they want to be.  I am no savior!  I am no guru!  I encourage each person to use their innate gifts and free themselves.

Here is the catch.  You do not just do this once.  There is no magic wand.  You must take responsibility for your own personal journey.  Take responsibility for your own life, yourself.

I take responsibility for my own personal journey, I accept that Almighty Source has my best interest. That if I should call, Archangel Michael will walk with me.  I know, I know.. that I will always be taken care of.  I want for nothing.  I trust completely that all that transpires is for the greatest good of all involved, and I appreciate that there are reasons for everything.  I know that all that I have felt through this journey is true and that all that I feel now is also true.  I have been told to take care of myself, to rest, to eat right, to do what it is I need to for myself.  I have ignored that and kept old habits of chasing my tail trying to control the outcome of situations when I know that it is moot.

Being human is okay.  If you really want, you could put on some blue tights and a cape….why not?!  I won’t tell!

Being human can be difficult at times, but that is why we have each other.  We have our network, our friends, our loves, and our families.  We have so much and so many.  We are here for each other.  I like people, I love people….I cherish the connections I have with loving and kind friends.  My strength comes from humility and reverence for life and these experiences.  I am weak at times, and that is okay.  I am weak of body, even sometimes of mind, but I have strength in heart, in spirit, in energy.  I have strength when I need it and when I cannot have strength then someone else is strong for me.  I am lucky to have that in my life now.  I am beginning to feel comfortable with letting others take over for awhile.  To trust and know that others will be there when I cannot fully be there.  Because I have weakness….weakness of anger and doubt and fear….it comes, it goes, it comes, it goes.  It’s not an eruption like PTSD…I have acknowledged that and it has stayed quiet.  Its just a fear of losing control over something, or of not having control over how things change.  Yet, I trust.  I trust enough to be totally honest about my weaknesses, my challenges, my pain.  My peace!  I can achieve this peace….its just doing it.  Owning what it is you need and acquiring it.  Breathing.  Living. Feeling. Experiencing. Being. It takes a lifetime of practice and guts.  To stand up to yourself for yourself. To acknowledge you are the only one responsible for all that you touch.

Heavy, I know.  However, it doesn’t have to be.  It is only our own selves that cause the suffering we feel.  The loneliness and loss.  The isolation, the inability to connect out of fear. It’s only our fear, our illusions about ourselves and our lives that keep us here.  The house of mirrors.  Let’s get outta here!  Become aware, become awake, shake off the illusions of fear and defeat.  Stand up, rise up, get up!!!  Let’s get outta here!!!  Are you with me?

Wash away…

I really can’t say that I am surprised to be going through a roller coaster of thought v. heart.  One day a miracle of sorts will be presented to me, the next day it’s as if I dreamed it…only there were witnesses, so no chance of denial.  Some of the things I have received through channel and experience don’t always make sense to me…especially when they become deeply personal.  Part of me feels as if I am in shock.  The other part of me is completely oblivious to the “thoughts” coming from the first part….it has complete faith and zero fear.

What is so confusing to me is that I keep saying that I AM NOT RELIGIOUS, but if I quoted the words I receive, anyone would say I was speaking to religion.  I’m not.  I speak to the experiences I am having.  I really know that this is what is happening.  I am experiencing this for whatever reason.  We are never shown too far ahead, but faith is completely expected.  The little doubt that I have is not about the Universe or what I SHOULD be doing, but in myself.  The last shred of confusion remains…..

I know it is my job to get through those last reservations and embrace my destiny completely.  I often wonder how exactly I will do this, because all I feel I should be doing is taking a nap.  That is not myself choosing sleepiness, I recognize this feeling well.  This is the imposed sleep.  The rest that you shall take.  Regardless of whether or not I like it.  Its like watching the metronome….back and forth…back and forth….are you feeling sleepy?  Count from 10….10….9…8…zzzzzz!  I’m even planning on taking a vacation in the middle of feeling….OMF!!  What do I do?  What am I supposed to do?  Will this work if I DON’T do something????

That’s my brain…the mouse running around the maze desperately seeking the way.  My heart says: nap!

There are only so many times I can consciously feel this way and not realize that my fighting any of this just makes it more confusing.  I tell my clients to trust their heart because it will not lead them down the wrong path.  My heart says:  nap!  Rest!  Be gentle on yourself…..RELAX!!!!!

Take a few deep breaths and quiet yourself.  RELAX!  Just wait.  That is all that is required.  Just wait.  Close your eyes and experience the relief of being still.  Maybe you are tired, maybe you have been doing too much.  Perhaps its time for a siesta?  Por favor?

MMMMMMmmmmm….sounds good.  RELAX!!

When you wake up, you will feel so much better for having taken care of yourself, and your board will be swept clean.  A new start, a new day….full of promise….one you can create for yourself.  It’s not that far away.  Some of us cannot even fathom it, but the only thing to really do is let it wash over you.  Let it come.  Don’t fear it, allow it.  Don’t resist it…rejoice in it…this time it really is time.  This time allow yourself to be washed away by the waves gentle caress…wash away all fear from your mind…relax, surrender, let go!  Release control over your own destiny and all will fall into place.  We try to control so much.  I want to be quiet in my mind, serene, secure in my heart, in myself…..knowing or not knowing does not matter.

What will happen….what will happen??  Nothing and Everything.  RELAX!

Let it all be washed away.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

One of the things I have always been good at, is making decisions.  I am very impulsive, but work great under pressure.  Some of the people closest to me, are terrible decision makers….and it drives me crazy!!!  I am a person of action.  I have considerable difficulty waiting for anything!  A phone call, an answer, someone needing to make a decision….waiting, waiting, waiting….  It is not a wonder that my illness has slowed me down considerably. It is not surprising that whenever I get it in my head to start running around, doing, doing, doing….Source will put me right down again.  I am a hard player, and a stubborn student!  In truth I have learned quite a bit, but it is oh, so easy to let ego take over, and put me once again in the position of needing to be STOPPED!!!

I often advise clients to begin meditation.  I do this because I know that quieting the mind is as powerful, even more powerful than taking action!  We are doers….always looking to manipulate our situation to what we “think” is best for us.  That is the problem right there…too much thinking.  We have no idea what we are doing, mostly because we are always listening to our own brains rattle and hum.  Are you are person who worries, and has a hard time making decisions??? Or are you more like me…impulsive, very little patience, and quick to take action???  The answer to either situation is the same.  Get out of your own way.  It is not the external presence that makes or breaks us, it is how we react to it, and what we believe about it.

The true action is stillness.  The true thought process is internal and heart evaluated.  SHHHHH!! I’m meditating!

I truly encourage, every person, any person…to try it!  Here comes the thoughts:  I’ve already tried, I can’t do it…I don’t have time for that, I’m too busy….Nothing happens when I meditate….

Okay, I hear you…meditation takes practice, and will.  First you must realize that you are allowed to rest…huh, what?  This insane need to stay moving, and running, and working, and doing…is not getting you anywhere!  STOP!  You are being guided, you can do anything, you are worthy, you deserve rest, enlightenment, happiness, and comfort.  When you are allowing yourself to stop, rest, breathe, and just live, you are ALIVE!  The opposite, is what we think we must be or do.  STOP!!  Seriously, just stop.  Stop the frantic peddling in the wrong direction.

Close your eyes, and allow Source to take over.  Let it all go.  It’s not important.  It’s an illusion.  This peddling is just churning up water, causing discord with your true self.  Let go!!  Realize that there is no other way to know your destiny, except for accepting it.  We don’t always have the answers, but if we believe that all experiences have value, and all experiences are necessary to develop into who it is that we are, then why does it matter?  We are guided, truly, we are.  Every time that we resist the flow, every time we are paddling against the current….we are running away from who we are.  We worry about our course, we put so much energy into paddling, paddling, paddling…..we are creating the situation of worry, and the need to keep paddling in fear.  We are conjuring up a tsunami sized wave.

This is what I tell clients when they are paddling against a tsunami:

Feel it…feel the tsunami rising higher, higher, higher….now, turn your back to it.  What?!  There is a feckin’ TSUNAMI coming!!!!  Turn your back on the wave!!  Close your eyes and feel…feel your fear..allow it to come…its already in progress, so let it go.  Feel it rising, rising, cresting…this wave is going to crash!

Just as the wave begins to crash down, realize that it is not going to hit you!  Breathe out….a sigh of relief!!  Watch the wave crash just outside of you, and feel all the strength of that wave become calm, soothing, buoying energy…..float… now the wave is pushing you gently, you are bobbing nicely in the beautiful sea. Being pushed gently towards shore.  Allow this energy to now flow over you.  Realize this energy is powerful, but gentle.  This powerful gentleness caresses you and allows you complete comfort, and knowledge of the beautiful gift of calmness, lightness, and relaxation.

You just survived a tsunami of your own creation! Congratulations!  You have a choice, you can make a decision here and now; stop creating tsunamis.  Stop paddling!  Allow the smooth, gentle, yet powerful energy to guide you.  Or, even when you encounter large waves….turn your back, and allow them to buoy you.  Stop paying so much attention to things that you find fearful or uncomfortable.  The fear is made in your mind.

Stop listening to your mind, and tap into the quiet, gentle vision of your heart.  Your heart knows you.  Your heart is your life force.  Essentially, our heart beats involuntarily to circulate our blood which provides, food, nutrients, gases (oxygen); everything we need to stay alive.  Our heart also feels, we tend to think that this is an anomaly.  How can an organ, a muscle feel??? Well the rest of your body feels as well.  So, why would it be any different with any other organ/muscle??  Emotion is REAL, and we don’t need to know how or why we feel it.  We don’t need to know why or how our heart sings or aches, we just need to recognize that it does.  Pay attention to your inner-most feelings, they are here to guide you.  If you need help…ASK!!!  Be gentle on yourself.  If the life you are not living does not make you feel ALIVE….stop living it, and choose something else!

Easier said than done, right???  No, its easier done!  Letting go is unbelievably beautiful!  The lightness, the happiness, the understanding, and allowing, and just ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!  It is lovely.   When we finally understand we need to let go, and we do… are going to realize that this is so much easier, so much more fulfilling, and those around you will notice too.  Your personal light shines brighter, and others will want to know what you are doing to make this so.  They will recognize this change in you, and want it for themselves.  This is how the collective works.  We are all intrinsically connected.  When we choose fear and running, all of us are fearful and running around.  When we choose calmness, and guidance, all of us are calm and guided.  When enough of us choose calmness and guidance, we will have created a shift.  A shift in energy to create a better, more harmonious, loving world.

Hey, Mikey!  Try it, you just might like it!!