Wash away…

I really can’t say that I am surprised to be going through a roller coaster of thought v. heart.  One day a miracle of sorts will be presented to me, the next day it’s as if I dreamed it…only there were witnesses, so no chance of denial.  Some of the things I have received through channel and experience don’t always make sense to me…especially when they become deeply personal.  Part of me feels as if I am in shock.  The other part of me is completely oblivious to the “thoughts” coming from the first part….it has complete faith and zero fear.

What is so confusing to me is that I keep saying that I AM NOT RELIGIOUS, but if I quoted the words I receive, anyone would say I was speaking to religion.  I’m not.  I speak to the experiences I am having.  I really know that this is what is happening.  I am experiencing this for whatever reason.  We are never shown too far ahead, but faith is completely expected.  The little doubt that I have is not about the Universe or what I SHOULD be doing, but in myself.  The last shred of confusion remains…..

I know it is my job to get through those last reservations and embrace my destiny completely.  I often wonder how exactly I will do this, because all I feel I should be doing is taking a nap.  That is not myself choosing sleepiness, I recognize this feeling well.  This is the imposed sleep.  The rest that you shall take.  Regardless of whether or not I like it.  Its like watching the metronome….back and forth…back and forth….are you feeling sleepy?  Count from 10….10….9…8…zzzzzz!  I’m even planning on taking a vacation in the middle of feeling….OMF!!  What do I do?  What am I supposed to do?  Will this work if I DON’T do something????

That’s my brain…the mouse running around the maze desperately seeking the way.  My heart says: nap!

There are only so many times I can consciously feel this way and not realize that my fighting any of this just makes it more confusing.  I tell my clients to trust their heart because it will not lead them down the wrong path.  My heart says:  nap!  Rest!  Be gentle on yourself…..RELAX!!!!!

Take a few deep breaths and quiet yourself.  RELAX!  Just wait.  That is all that is required.  Just wait.  Close your eyes and experience the relief of being still.  Maybe you are tired, maybe you have been doing too much.  Perhaps its time for a siesta?  Por favor?

MMMMMMmmmmm….sounds good.  RELAX!!

When you wake up, you will feel so much better for having taken care of yourself, and your board will be swept clean.  A new start, a new day….full of promise….one you can create for yourself.  It’s not that far away.  Some of us cannot even fathom it, but the only thing to really do is let it wash over you.  Let it come.  Don’t fear it, allow it.  Don’t resist it…rejoice in it…this time it really is time.  This time allow yourself to be washed away by the waves gentle caress…wash away all fear from your mind…relax, surrender, let go!  Release control over your own destiny and all will fall into place.  We try to control so much.  I want to be quiet in my mind, serene, secure in my heart, in myself…..knowing or not knowing does not matter.

What will happen….what will happen??  Nothing and Everything.  RELAX!

Let it all be washed away.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

One of the things I have always been good at, is making decisions.  I am very impulsive, but work great under pressure.  Some of the people closest to me, are terrible decision makers….and it drives me crazy!!!  I am a person of action.  I have considerable difficulty waiting for anything!  A phone call, an answer, someone needing to make a decision….waiting, waiting, waiting….  It is not a wonder that my illness has slowed me down considerably. It is not surprising that whenever I get it in my head to start running around, doing, doing, doing….Source will put me right down again.  I am a hard player, and a stubborn student!  In truth I have learned quite a bit, but it is oh, so easy to let ego take over, and put me once again in the position of needing to be STOPPED!!!

I often advise clients to begin meditation.  I do this because I know that quieting the mind is as powerful, even more powerful than taking action!  We are doers….always looking to manipulate our situation to what we “think” is best for us.  That is the problem right there…too much thinking.  We have no idea what we are doing, mostly because we are always listening to our own brains rattle and hum.  Are you are person who worries, and has a hard time making decisions??? Or are you more like me…impulsive, very little patience, and quick to take action???  The answer to either situation is the same.  Get out of your own way.  It is not the external presence that makes or breaks us, it is how we react to it, and what we believe about it.

The true action is stillness.  The true thought process is internal and heart evaluated.  SHHHHH!! I’m meditating!

I truly encourage, every person, any person…to try it!  Here comes the thoughts:  I’ve already tried, I can’t do it…I don’t have time for that, I’m too busy….Nothing happens when I meditate….

Okay, I hear you…meditation takes practice, and will.  First you must realize that you are allowed to rest…huh, what?  This insane need to stay moving, and running, and working, and doing…is not getting you anywhere!  STOP!  You are being guided, you can do anything, you are worthy, you deserve rest, enlightenment, happiness, and comfort.  When you are allowing yourself to stop, rest, breathe, and just live, you are ALIVE!  The opposite, is what we think we must be or do.  STOP!!  Seriously, just stop.  Stop the frantic peddling in the wrong direction.

Close your eyes, and allow Source to take over.  Let it all go.  It’s not important.  It’s an illusion.  This peddling is just churning up water, causing discord with your true self.  Let go!!  Realize that there is no other way to know your destiny, except for accepting it.  We don’t always have the answers, but if we believe that all experiences have value, and all experiences are necessary to develop into who it is that we are, then why does it matter?  We are guided, truly, we are.  Every time that we resist the flow, every time we are paddling against the current….we are running away from who we are.  We worry about our course, we put so much energy into paddling, paddling, paddling…..we are creating the situation of worry, and the need to keep paddling in fear.  We are conjuring up a tsunami sized wave.

This is what I tell clients when they are paddling against a tsunami:

Feel it…feel the tsunami rising higher, higher, higher….now, turn your back to it.  What?!  There is a feckin’ TSUNAMI coming!!!!  Turn your back on the wave!!  Close your eyes and feel…feel your fear..allow it to come…its already in progress, so let it go.  Feel it rising, rising, cresting…this wave is going to crash!

Just as the wave begins to crash down, realize that it is not going to hit you!  Breathe out….a sigh of relief!!  Watch the wave crash just outside of you, and feel all the strength of that wave become calm, soothing, buoying energy…..float… now the wave is pushing you gently, you are bobbing nicely in the beautiful sea. Being pushed gently towards shore.  Allow this energy to now flow over you.  Realize this energy is powerful, but gentle.  This powerful gentleness caresses you and allows you complete comfort, and knowledge of the beautiful gift of calmness, lightness, and relaxation.

You just survived a tsunami of your own creation! Congratulations!  You have a choice, you can make a decision here and now; stop creating tsunamis.  Stop paddling!  Allow the smooth, gentle, yet powerful energy to guide you.  Or, even when you encounter large waves….turn your back, and allow them to buoy you.  Stop paying so much attention to things that you find fearful or uncomfortable.  The fear is made in your mind.

Stop listening to your mind, and tap into the quiet, gentle vision of your heart.  Your heart knows you.  Your heart is your life force.  Essentially, our heart beats involuntarily to circulate our blood which provides, food, nutrients, gases (oxygen); everything we need to stay alive.  Our heart also feels, we tend to think that this is an anomaly.  How can an organ, a muscle feel??? Well the rest of your body feels as well.  So, why would it be any different with any other organ/muscle??  Emotion is REAL, and we don’t need to know how or why we feel it.  We don’t need to know why or how our heart sings or aches, we just need to recognize that it does.  Pay attention to your inner-most feelings, they are here to guide you.  If you need help…ASK!!!  Be gentle on yourself.  If the life you are not living does not make you feel ALIVE….stop living it, and choose something else!

Easier said than done, right???  No, its easier done!  Letting go is unbelievably beautiful!  The lightness, the happiness, the understanding, and allowing, and just ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!  It is lovely.   When we finally understand we need to let go, and we do…..you are going to realize that this is so much easier, so much more fulfilling, and those around you will notice too.  Your personal light shines brighter, and others will want to know what you are doing to make this so.  They will recognize this change in you, and want it for themselves.  This is how the collective works.  We are all intrinsically connected.  When we choose fear and running, all of us are fearful and running around.  When we choose calmness, and guidance, all of us are calm and guided.  When enough of us choose calmness and guidance, we will have created a shift.  A shift in energy to create a better, more harmonious, loving world.

Hey, Mikey!  Try it, you just might like it!!

Gravitational Pull Getting the Best of You…

The past few weeks have been like a roller coaster.  Perhaps you are feeling this?  It’s been a rough one for sure.  My body, my mind, my soul, all in flux.  Many questions in my head.  The one thing I can count on, is my heart.  My heart knows the truth, and my experiences these past few weeks, may have, at times, been somewhat difficult….but, honestly, I have had some great experiences as well.

I know it is hard out there right now, life is still as unsure as it was in 2012, the economy is still killing our jobs, and our homes are being relocated.  If feels like someone is pulling the rug out from under us.  I know that this does not seem promising.  You may have heard of the term “the new Earth”, and you may be wondering what exactly that means to us now.  You are not really seeing a change, in fact, if anything, things may look somewhat worse!!

I have to share something, things WILL look worse, there will be a lot of upheaval.  Jobs lost, or left because you feel like you cannot spend another minute doing what you are doing.  Homes foreclosed on, or opportunities taken that force you to relocate.  I am here with a message, “HOLD ON!!!!”

The fortitude that was needed to get this far, is not missing.  We are just feeling spent, feeling tired, wondering what it’s all about…AGAIN!  I know that it looks bleak, but you are in the most powerful time of your life.  The changes that are occurring must occur.  We are being pushed towards our destiny, and you had more to do with it than you think.  Remember, you chose to come here.  That whole thing we put on our parents:  “I never asked to be born!!!”  Ummm, yes, you did.  And what is more, is that we chose our parents, all the events that took place in our lives, and in physical, as adults, we continue to choose.

So, why are we waiting for the world to change?  We have two choices:  we are either going to get involved, or we are going to watch it go by.  If you are watching, that’s okay…it’s your choice, but may I suggest a another possibility?  There are infinite possibilities….and  you CAN choose from any one of them, and if you don’t like that choice you can choose again!!  You have the power to shape your life.  You must shape your life!  This is the time for community to come together…start networking with others of like mind….you must depend on each other for help.  This this is why people built churches and religion, they wanted a community, but some wanted control over that community, and here we are.  Think back to the 60’s minus the drugs and VD….they had something right about love, peace and happiness, man!  You dig?

The world will look like it is going into the shiter, but it is changing, it is changing because we want it to.  You are telling the Universe, hi, can you help me down here, I could use some help….so, we get fired, we are relocated, maybe we are even living in a shelter, don’t know where the next pay check is coming from, have no idea what is coming down the pike next. Hmmmm…what’s happening?  What are we being pushed to do?  Could it be, that we are being pushed to rely on each other again, to trust our neighbor, to help another, to be honest, and ask for help when we need it????

Why would we do those things?  I can’t think why we would do that…I don’t know…it’s not very clear….I don’t get it….that’s stupid…I hate my neighbor….wait!  I’ve been asking Source to allow this new Earth to come, I have been asking Source to help me, I have been asking source to change things so I can do better, be better……hmmmmm.  You have free will, you always have, you can be and do anything you want.  We have come to see each other and ourselves as individuals.  Once upon a time, we knew that our lives depended on our ability to live within a community.  To help raise our children, to take care of our elderly.  People are being pushed back into that space again. The community space.  In our own families.  Children are coming home from college with big loans and no work, families are losing their homes and moving into community housing situations.  Relatives are living with three generations under one roof.  There is NOTHING wrong with this…this was how it was supposed to be.  We have always belonged together, helping each other. The separateness, and polarity that we have been experiencing has caused us pain.  How easy would life be if we worked together, each of us, toward the goal?  What goal?

What goal?

What goal?

What goal?

Only You  Can Decide.

Personal Jesus

I am beginning to get the sense that I will be leaving bread crumb trails, in previous posts, to see where the next post is going.  I mentioned before, that I am not religious, but would at times talk about religion in this blog.  There are certain subjects that I know to be delicate, and to approach with some form of grace.  Religion would be in that category, at least, for me.  What I have decided to do about that was to post a disclaimer, and then just write.  If I am editing myself from saying what I need to, then the point of this blog is moot.

I promised you a REAL blog, from the heart, from the soul, being led by Source.  Well, you are going to get it!!  My disclaimer is this:  I am not religious, I could identify as spiritual, but I more like to say “in energy”.  I have previously identified as the following:  Catholic, Wiccan, Atheist, Angry, and “In Energy”.  The two places I have felt the best are when I was somewhat “naturally” drawn to religion as a child, and now…”In Energy”.  Did I say “In Energy?”

I was raised Roman Catholic, yes there is a difference…what that is, I could not tell you.  I am pretty sure that the Roman Catholics were a wee bit more stoic, but I will research and let you know………I realize, you are hanging on every word.  I acknowledge and respect every persons personal view on religion according to their own needs, and free will.  I have had experiences, most of which have been very recent, that have led me to acknowledge that religion has its purpose, and that faith itself is essential to having a “better” life.  What “faith” means for you, is your business, and I am not here to change your mind, or serve you a bunch of “you are wrong, and I am right”, bs.  Not happening.  This is your time to remove yourself if this will bother you.  Thank you, love you, be kind to yourself and others…..

“Within the Catholic Church there are a number of individual churches, sometimes called rites. One of these is the Roman rite or Roman church. It includes most of the Catholics in the Western world. A Roman Catholic is a Catholic who is a member of the Roman rite.

There are many Catholics in the East who are not Roman Catholics, such as Maronite Catholics, Ukrainian Catholics, and Chaldean Catholics. These are all in communion with the pope, but they are not members of the Roman rite, so they are not Roman Catholics.

The Roman rite is not stricter than these other rights. They are equal. They all teach the same faith; it is only local customs that are different among them.”

I found that information on a site called:  http://www.catholic.com  Catholic Answers

There ya go!!  Okay, back to what I was saying….I am, and have been most comfortable in my life while practicing any form of spirituality as a child, and now “In Energy”.  What I do now, is more connected than I have ever felt.  I have felt what it is to be completely disconnected, completely lost, completely without any belief system what-so-ever.  There was a period in my life of around 5 years after my divorce with my ex-husband, that I completely lost faith in myself as a human being, and in any thought that there was ever or could ever be a god.  It was not the divorce itself that put me in this mind frame, the divorce was necessary, and you may have noticed that I am remarried to a woman.  That is not even the reasoning behind why I got divorced.  In fact, it was my ex husband who pretty much pointed out to me that I was gay….it made a lot of sense at that point.  I really never examined myself as a person with needs or thoughts about myself until I was around 27-28, and then came out when I was 30!  Gosh, did I think I was the only human being who didn’t figure it out until later in life, but luckily enough, I was not alone.  This is for another blog, or not, who knows.  What happened during this time period, what broke my heart, was that these events hurt my children.  My youngest daughter especially, but that is her story to tell.

The reason I want to speak on religion today, is not because I want to quote any religious doctrine, nor to have people look at the things I say as in any comparison to such .  I am no guru, no saint, and certainly am not looking to have any type of following; other than like-minded spirits who want to shed their old skin for something better.  This “work” I speak of, and it is a commonly used term (some like it, some don’t) has nothing to do with what I need to bring to the world.  This work I speak of is the divine work of discovery.  Personal discovery, growth, and happiness.  This is what I choose for myself.  This is what you can choose for yourself.  It is really an no-brainer.  Happy/unhappy…..Happy/unhappy…..Happy/unhappy…. You get it!!  Still, we, as humans flip that unhappy switch faster than mice on steroids!  We are not in an experiment under a glass dome, caged like rats, with the Gods looking down on us “silly humans”.  We are not punished by karma, or riddled with sin, black spots on our souls, nor are one of us the chosen, the few, or the underdog.

Okay, breathe.  It’s okay….you are about to realize something.  Relax.  It only hurts the first time.  Relax.


How many of you just did that?  Really? C’mon, you know I was kidding, right?  My intention is not to make you perform circus acts, jump through hoops, change yourself for me or any other person in this world.  You DON’T have to do that!  This time I am serious.  You don’t.  You do not need anything that you in your heart do not believe you need.  You are God.  Now, I know you have heard that one before.  You are divine being, spirit incarnate, yes, you ARE the son of God, himself/herself…the daughter, the child of light, the anointed….YOU….ARE….GOD!   No apologies.  Sorry, did you read the disclaimer?

Now that we know we are God…blasphemy, I know!!!  I also told you that would happen.  Listen, relax, take it easy, for real this time.  Being upset doesn’t do you any good, open yourself up to the idea that we are free.  We are free in Source, and in light, and we have the power of choice, free will.  Even religion will tell you that.  YOU have FREE will.  YOU=FREE….you are free.  That is not so bad, is it?  Being free, knowing you have power over your own personal destiny.  Knowing you CAN make the changes necessary for yourself that make your heart sing.  Knowing you are worthy of these things.  Knowing you deserve happiness.  Acknowledging that, believing that, honoring that, owning it as your responsibility.   Wait a minute, I thought we were free??  What’s this responsibility stuff???  I knew this was a trap!

We, as humans, have a tendency to look externally for our answers, this is not all bad.  It is when we are looking externally, and we set expectations for others, and their roles in our lives, that we are disappointed.  There is no such thing as: “YOU” don’t make me happy anymore, or It’s all “YOUR” fault.   Nope.  That is what my aunt would refer to as a copout:

cop-out also cop·out (kpout)

n. Slang

1. A failure to fulfill a commitment or responsibility or to face a difficulty squarely.
2. A person who fails to fulfill a commitment or responsibility.
3. An excuse for inaction or evasion.
Many, many times in my childhood did I hear my aunt making this statement to my mother.  My mother was ill, both mentally and physically.  She was not a good parent.  She could not give us a descent childhood, and I love her.  Not in the way that broke my heart when I was younger.  I love her with the freedom that my heart now holds, knowing now what I know.  What I know is that every experience I have had in my life, whatever label I choose to place it under, was the reason, the catalyst, for me to want to help others.  Until now, I was never as successful as I would like to be, when I was “helping”.  When I say successful, I don’t mean financially, I mean that when I did help, it did not last.  There were also times that I could barely help myself.  Now, I know the difference, now I know that for me to be of help to anyone, I must first help myself.
I used to see thinking of the self as “self”-ish, now I know better.  We often accept words and beliefs that degrade us.  Beliefs that make us feel less than.  We choose to not feel emotion, often numbing ourselves with different things: food, alcohol, drugs, sex…..even Energy can be a way of numbing oneself to the reality of our physical existence.  Energy CAN be addictive.  We are here for the express reason of experience.  We are here to experience this human life, to allow ourselves these experience.  We feel because we have come here, and that there is pain here, that we are being punished.  Cast out, cast out of eden, cast out of heaven, that if we don’t come to class prepared, belly in, shoulders back…that we will FAIL.  We will fail, and then we will never have whatever we are supposed to have when we leave this Earth.  Whatever THAT is.
I need to tell you that your reward, the reward you want comes now….Happy/unhappy…Happy/unhappy…Happy/unhappy…..
What is it you want?  Your choice.  Yours.  There is no, “I can’t because”…., there is only, “I won’t because…”  YOU can do anything.  That is what you are here for.  If you have a beating heart in your chest, use it!!!  Stop numbing yourself, feel your emotions, realize there are people here holding out their hand to you…asking, “What is it you want?”  I believe in you.  I believe in myself.  I believe we are all divine spirit incarnated into physical life, through our own free will.  We are here to experience….we are not the class…we are the teachers!!

Life in the Fast Lane

“Life in the Fast Lane, surely, makes you lose your mind..”

I feel like I should know where my mind is, but how often do we really pay attention to this detail.  Our minds are churning out thoughts in the millions, contsantly….look, I’m thinking right now, so are you!!!  Hmmm…clever…I know!!  I may be getting myself a reputation of a sassy medium, but I don’t think that would be so bad.  Who has enough sass?

This is round two of no sleepy-sleep the night before…seriously, Mercury?  I did remember the pill pass last night, so all is well in the pharmacology department.  Did I tell you I was psychic?  Oh, yeah, well we all are.  Yes!!  It is TRUE!  Someone has told you this before, you know who you are, you have heard it here or there, or anywhere, with a “Whoo” or not…its still the fact!

Our ability to intuit information only makes sense.  We didn’t forget how or evolve beyond instinct….just check that adrenaline rush the next time you watch Friday the 13th part 905, in 6D….yeah, that’s the one!!

So, what happens then…why aren’t we always plugged in, why can’t you read my mind…why can’t I read yours….well, sometimes I can.  The funny thing is that I can read higher energy much, much easier than lower energy.  Alcohol will change your personal frequency, or vibration.  Everything vibrates…not always as fun as one might think, but true.  EVERYTHING is ENERY.  Ask your local Science teacher.  Matter is billions of particles of energy all bouncing around each other, vibrating frantically, and if you saw everything at this level…your house would disappear into a trillion particles beneath your feet, and that might make you a wee bit dizzy.  So, for us, we see matter as a solid material…it would be very hard to walk down the street not knowing where the sidewalk was.

For us to live, and breathe and act out our physical lives, we need the illusion of a solid world.  Anyone ever hear of Einstein, or Stephen Hawkings? No?  Didn’t think so!  They are just great minds of our lives here.  Genius of the genius, but wait….they’re wrong, right?!  Crazy!!

I don’t think so.  I’m no slouch, but I’m not exactly Einstein or Stephen Hawkings, so I choose to defer to their wisdom.  Everyone thought that Einstein was crazy…of course they did…they could not wrap their minds around what Quantum Physics was trying to tell them…can you?  Okay, Barry, up to the board:  “Please define Quantum Physics….”   Silence.  Of course, I know you are out there…you CAN define Quantum Physics, and I, cannot.  My brain is more right than left, more fluid than solid, more dreamy than logical.  Although a lot of people would not describe Quantum Physics, String Theory, etc., as logic.  After all it is a theory…but that is what Science is.  A series of experiments, that draws conclusion, proposed in a theory, based upon repetitive evidence.  If a=c, and d=g, then b must equal???  I don’t know!!

I cannot do simple math, but I CAN intuit, and I CAN channel, and I CAN pick up information from people, pictures, objects, in meditation, through hand to hand contact.  There are so many ways to do this, and no one way is the RIGHT way, it just has to be right for you.  Some persons may say:  “I’ve been meditating for years, gone to every class I can find, been attuned to everything I can find, eat vegan, walk barefoot, and never take a shower so that I am closer to Gia!  There is no way you can intuit, because, I cannot!! I walk my path!”  Simmah down now…simmah down!

I too have walked my path, and it was rough…not easy…it sometimes hurt,  and sometimes felt like the only thing that could be called heaven.  I started this path nearly 20 years ago, and here I am.  I promised you the story…….

Most of my life I have been afraid.  I lived a very tumultuous upbringing, not unlike a lot of folks, and was a descendent of tumultuous upbringings…..the cycle, we call it.  My cycle with my children, ended the abuse cycle in my family, but it did not end the fear cycle.  For many, many years, I suffered from PTSD, and did not know it.  By the time I was figuring it out, by the time I realized…”hey, this is PTSD!”….I was already on my way to being physically ill.  Fear, adrenaline, addiction, jealousy, rage, defense mechanisms….all products of abuse scenarios.  I had all of them.  I was addicted to cigarettes, caffeine, and food.  Luckily, I steered clear of drugs and alcohol most of my life, but I had my stint of social drinking in my thirties as well.  These kids today!!!

I survived my life, I did not know how to live, but give me a stressful situation, a problem, an argument….then, I knew what to do.  I also had this terrible habit of running away…literally and figuratively.  I first ran away from home when I was 14, and each year after that lived in a different place with a different relative or foster home.  I wasn’t a bad kid, I was in a bad situation, and acted accordingly.  As a younger child, I can remember lying in bed, often crying, wondering why things were happening.  I had a picture on the wall of a guardian angel shepherding two young children across a broken down bridge.  I often looked at this picture, and formed a close connection to angelic beings.  When we are children we see, hear, feel, touch, taste, smell, experience everything so much differently than in adulthood.  I was very religious as a child.  I was raised Catholic, but no one ever brought me to church….my mother would send me on my own, every Sunday.  My sister would skip church…every Sunday, but I was the “good girl”, always aiming to please, and by the age of ten, I wanted to be a nun.  I shite you not!  At the age of thirteen, I was the only student in my class who WANTED to be confirmed to the church.  By fourteen, I was a train wreck, and that is when I ran for the first time.

I spent the rest of my life running…full speed ahead…trying not to look back, but running all the same.  Running from myself, my upbringing, my past, my problems, from the on-going film reel in my head of past trauma….running, running, running….and in the winter of 2008-2009 I stopped.  Not by choice…oh, no!!  If you read My chemical romance and me/Mama/is there light without dark you know the explanation….but, the real catalyst, was not just being completely stopped in my tracks by an undiagnosed movement disorder, but was a friend.

In my other life I wore many hats…I have worked many jobs, almost all of them having to work in service to others in some capacity.  I have been a bank teller, a daycare provider, a counselor, a receptionist and medical clerk, a LNA, LPN, Massage Therapist, and worked the longest as a department manager for a grocery store chain…..that one was for the check.

Out of the Gate

It is very important to recognize what an audience wants if you want to keep that audience.  So, not every step of the way, but on some steps, I would love your feedback…this is a brand new blog, with a brand new light shining at the end of the tunnel.  My view here, is to discuss some of life’s more serious points, with humor, self-effacement, brutal honesty, some blasphemy, not much….add a sprinkle of light, a sprinkle of love, water generously, and watch things grow.  Something that is becoming very clear to me, is that to reach everyone, you must write/speak to everyone…I can’t do that.  So, this is where I figure out who that audience is.  I figure out what you need, what you want, and try to bring it.  I may be a “lightworker”, but I have seen my share of dark, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.  We all have, that is why we are human.  So, in THIS blog you get me….you can poke me, applaude me, rant at me, or love me….it doesn’t matter….

What matters is YOU!!  Is there something here that speaks to you?  Am I too real, or not real enough?  The ONE thing I can guarantee, is that this will be the most honest, raw, emotional, exciting, inspirational, bestest blog I can make.  This is where it gets real…you in?

Let me know you are in by:  watching the video and reading the first blog post, then answer the poll:

what do you think…right out of the gate…..

Double Dare ya!

My chemical romance and Me/Mama/Is there light without dark…..

Hello, everyone!  I realized this morning, after a night of little sleep, and much meditation, that I had opened up a new way of reading….fantastic!!  Well, new to me….this is what happened:

To give you a quick minute of back story, I have been chronically ill for four years.  I have an undiagnosed muscle/movement disorder, and now see a specialist in Boston, one of the best in the country.  It took me four years to find her.  Really, by now, my own story is boring to me, but I realize a bit of explanation is in order.  The disorder came on gradually over a period of 9 months, only I didn’t do much about the symptoms….I saw a red flag, and kept going…by the time I got to a physician, the symptoms were full blown, and I was petrified.  I was losing my ability to walk, move my limbs, speak, and I had terrible pain.  Fast forward four years later…..I have had ups and downs, cried tears, laughed hysterically, and found a new life.  Pain is still here, sometimes I cannot walk at all, sometimes I walk just fine…..mostly, I walk with difficulty.

In place of the physical, mental and emotional came to rule.  Maybe too much emotional.  I was depressed, angry, and generally at the bottom of my proverbial barrel.  Life was hard, and I was making it much harder.  Little did I know, there was this other plan in motion that I never understood was really happening…until…it happened.

I won’t go into the boring detail (it’s really not boring, and you WILL want to know, but today, lets get back to our subject at hand)…lets just say something not short of a “miracle” happened and cracked me open like a walnut!  It sounds painful…it was, it is, and I love it!!

So, a funny thing happened on my way to a meditation this morning….I hadn’t slept and couldn’t….I may have mentioned a movement disorder, well, unfortunately I have to take medication to keep functional, and it’s not small potatoes..these meds could kill someone!!  Lately, I’ve been a little foggy….memory fuzzy, fatigue, sleep is easy come, easy go….all symptoms of a sleep depraved individual.  I am so setting myself up here, but it’s all in good faith!!  If you can’t make fun of yourself, it just hurts when others do….wait….??

Okay, My Chemical Romance (are you paying attention?)….I love alternative music….now known as emo or emo-alternative or whatever..who cares….this video Mama….love itttt!  Yes, I will soon be preaching to you to love your neighbor and give them a hand up, no worries!!  You get it all here.  See, there is no light without dark….sit out on the beach in the blinding sun long enough and your skin will sear, blister, and slough off! I went to nursing school, I can say slough with a straight face.  The ice in your tropical drink will melt, and you will be left with watered-down fruit-juicy syrup…somethin’ like the kool aid they warned you about!  Watch that stuff….

Last night after realizing I had forgotten to take my nightly med count, I realized it was far to late to take the regimen, and needed to tough it out…brilliant!  I think I created this account somewhere around 3 am.  This mmmmorning….after a couple hours of sleep, my morning medicine, and a phone conversation with my daughter…I remembered that I downloaded around 100+ songs onto my iphone, and decided to give a listen.  Up to this point, I maybe had a dozen songs…just for a maybe I will need something to listen to sometime, someplace thing…I don’t get out much!!  So, typically if I am listening to music it is in it’s full glaring beauty…much to the chagrin of my neighbors.  Only during daylight hours, folks!!

Uh hmmm…where was I, yes, I never ..never.. never.. listen to music on my iphone…until today.      So, having made that statement, I will make another….I read as an Energy Intuitive (what we used to call psychic), and receive and deliver messages through channel.  Yes, that is really what the blog is about…are you just coming in?

Today, I “read” the music, no, not sheet music, THE music, and as I am sitting here, I am wondering how long have I been able to do this??  It seems simple enough given all that I have discovered about myself thus far….You would think I would have clued you in by now….

The “miracle” was that I began to do this work, quite by accident. When I say work, it has been a major roller coaster ride, and when I refer to it being painful…it was, and I do know, that I am going into ANOTHER ramped up state of it….11 weeks worth, of pure kick-ass psychic wallop.  Let me get this out there while I still have time!  Today, the music, much like what I see intuitively…had beautiful waves of energy, colors, lights, and information….yes, that is right…information.  Information that I can only think is energetically connected to the songs, and their writers/singers, etc.  You would be surprised at what I saw…how, can this “dark” music produce such light?  And, why does this “dark” music speak to me…why do I crave it’s emotional intensity, and sometimes harsh look at the world?  Because it’s fun!!  Yes, I said it…dark can be fun!!   Mostly, however, as we see the actors (because they are actors, sorry guys), play out the scene we expect from them….we get a release… of pent up emotion, and get to see our dark sides at play.  No one…no one here on this Earth is all light…..we are only varying degrees of ourselves, and the human condition holds beauty in all its dark and all its light, it holds purpose, and experience…valuable experience….whoa!!  Put the crosses down!  I know, I know, I know!!  Yes, that IS what I am saying, and somewhere along the way, there is a light that goes on and says:  all your experiences, all your ups and downs, your lows, and highs…these experiences, without them…who would you be?

People, through adversity, move mountains….no one, does squat after a day playing volleyball on the beach, and a big, fat meal with two cocktails to celebrate.

You picking up what I’m putting down?  What moves you, is what matters!  What moves you?  What will make you live, instead of survive?  What makes you feel something….a loaf of white bread and a bottle of charodnnay?…mmmmm….that makes me want to save a life!!!  Nope, that puts me bloated, tired, and snoring on the couch.  You don’t mix medication and booze, anyway…what are you thinking???

So, this is my introduction to you.  Hello!!  Here we will explore it all. Not just the fluffy, white stuff, not just 1001 mantras until you cannot mantra anymore, but the REAL.  Because it IS real, all of it, and all of it has purpose, and so it must be voiced!!

Thank you for reading…or listening..or both.